As a kid, the new school year gave me that first fresh-start high, and I’ve been chasing it ever since.
Back then, it seemed harmless — maybe even helpful — to trial-and-error my way toward understanding myself. But in my teens and twenties, it started to look more like a revolving door of interests, and more painfully, a revolving door of friend groups, jobs, and relationships.
At times, I couldn’t tell whether I was truly drawn to a clean slate, or simply trying to distance myself from the errors of previous trials.
What I eventually learned is that, no matter how many times I tried to turn the page, the pages I turned away from were still part of my story. And those not-so-perfect parts may be the most important parts of all.
I started over after earning a bachelor’s degree in economics. I failed miserably at desk life and at convincing myself meaningless intangible things like shareholder value were worth my time. It SUCKED and my sense of self worth was on the rollercoaster of a mid-20’s millennial enjoying and suffering a quarter life crisis. I knew it was the right call when I felt like school was out forever when I quit a temp job (that replaced a job I quit before), and my summer planned was to work at a cantina dock bar slinging margaritas and volunteering with kids at the arboretum. But I def still get home from work somedays from my dream job and want to burn my clothes and run into the woods. Escapism runs deep! I just try to pay attention when it comes up now and ask it what is it truly trying to escape and can I change something small first?
Oooooof, yes! "Escapsim runs deep." I so feel this. Even when we change everything, and it is for the best, the urge to uproot comes back eventually! Thank you for reading and for sharing bb <3
As a kid, the new school year gave me that first fresh-start high, and I’ve been chasing it ever since.
Back then, it seemed harmless — maybe even helpful — to trial-and-error my way toward understanding myself. But in my teens and twenties, it started to look more like a revolving door of interests, and more painfully, a revolving door of friend groups, jobs, and relationships.
At times, I couldn’t tell whether I was truly drawn to a clean slate, or simply trying to distance myself from the errors of previous trials.
What I eventually learned is that, no matter how many times I tried to turn the page, the pages I turned away from were still part of my story. And those not-so-perfect parts may be the most important parts of all.
Yesssss! The page metaphor is SO GOOD. All of our past selves follow us no matter what. May as well say hi to them <3
I started over after earning a bachelor’s degree in economics. I failed miserably at desk life and at convincing myself meaningless intangible things like shareholder value were worth my time. It SUCKED and my sense of self worth was on the rollercoaster of a mid-20’s millennial enjoying and suffering a quarter life crisis. I knew it was the right call when I felt like school was out forever when I quit a temp job (that replaced a job I quit before), and my summer planned was to work at a cantina dock bar slinging margaritas and volunteering with kids at the arboretum. But I def still get home from work somedays from my dream job and want to burn my clothes and run into the woods. Escapism runs deep! I just try to pay attention when it comes up now and ask it what is it truly trying to escape and can I change something small first?
Oooooof, yes! "Escapsim runs deep." I so feel this. Even when we change everything, and it is for the best, the urge to uproot comes back eventually! Thank you for reading and for sharing bb <3